If I Could Rule The World

[muchtooarrogant]

AWOS Random Writing Challenge

This past Saturday morning, my wife, Lizbeth, and I were luxuriating in bed, enjoying a slow start to our weekend. She was using her phone to look at something on Facebook, whereas I was contemplating the feasibility of getting up, retrieving my laptop, and checking out the goings on in LJ land. Then, the noises started.

Bang! Bang! Bang!

"I wonder what the Hell that is?" I asked, looking towards our bedroom window.

"Estelle said she was going to have someone work on the privacy fence," Lizbeth answered, referring to our next door neighbor.

I scoffed. "That's not hammering, the pops are too spaced out." Bang! "Unless you think he's completely driving in each nail with one hit." Bang!

"So," Bang! "what do you think it is?"

"It sounds like" Bang! Bang! "fireworks."

I know, the idea of setting off fireworks on the Saturday morning of Labor Day weekend sounds pretty lame, but trust me, in our neighborhood, people don't need much of a reason.

"I dunno," mused Lizbeth, Bang! "that doesn't sound much like fireworks either."

As with so many modern arguments, the answer, when it was finally discovered, came from Facebook.

"Oh," exclaimed Lizbeth a few minutes later, Bang! Bang! Bang! "I found out what it is!"

"What?" I asked.

"City announcement," she read from her phone, "this Saturday is the start of dove hunting season. Please do not be alarmed if you hear gun shots in your area."

"Oh!" I exclaimed in disgust.

If I could rule the world, the doves would be able to shoot back!

Dan

Comments

[baxaphobia.livejournal.com]

There is actually a dove hunting season? What's wrong with this world? Yikes!

[muchtooarrogant.livejournal.com]

There is in Texas at any rate. *grin*

Dan

[baxaphobia.livejournal.com]

Texans and their guns. huff.

[muchtooarrogant.livejournal.com]

Ah, be careful my friend! I hope you're not trying to paint me with that broad brush of generalization your swinging about. *smile*

Dan

[baxaphobia.livejournal.com]

Hmmm. I guess not.

I have a friend who is blind who is fascinated with guns. He got his FID and has a few. I'm waiting for him to shoot someone or himself by accident. He has a hard time with anything that doesn't involve computers so this totally terrifies me.

[muchtooarrogant.livejournal.com]

Strange indeed.

Dan

[halfshellvenus.livejournal.com]

Dove hunting in your own back yard? I.e., firing off a gun inside your neighborhood?

Holy redneck cow! :0

[muchtooarrogant.livejournal.com]

Not literally in our back yard of course, although definitely closer than I would prefer. Our subdivision used to be farm land, and there are still fields and even a few farms along the back edge. I suspect that the dove hunting was going on somewhere in that vicinity. *sigh* My poor guide dog "really" doesn't like loud popping noises.

Dan

[similiesslip.livejournal.com]

I like how you made this into a funny yet semi profound story. That last line is great.

And yes, I am not a huge fan of hunters. Poor doves!

[muchtooarrogant.livejournal.com]

LOL Last night, The Fam and I ate dinner across the street at our neighbor's, and were talking about the whole dove hunting thing. The husband was going on about how much fun it was, to which I said, "Oh please, most of that damned bird is feathers. What do you get out of it when it comes time to eat, half a mouth full?"

"But it's a delicious mouth full."

*shrug* Takes all kinds I guess.

After which, I told them about my story, and even the husband laughed at the punch line.

Thanks for reading, and I'm glad you liked!

Dan