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Feb. 6th, 2012 07:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
LJ Idol, Week Thirteen
From beneath the car, I hear the monster's footsteps approaching, and then, the same threat as before. "Run, and I'll shoot you."
My heart is pounding, and the blood dripping into my eyes has increased to a steady stream. No matter how hard I press my forehead, the bleeding won't stop, and I can't tell if the world is red because of the blood, or because something more serious is wrong with my vision.
The monster's feet--why can I see them now when I couldn't before--are very close now, so close to my refuge that I can see them sparkling red in the gleam from the street light. They look ordinary enough, not grotesquely huge or possessing extra toes, but that's probably just an illusion. How hard could it be for this thing to materialize normal-looking feet, when before it was completely invisible?
I must run!
The certainty grows inside me with each passing second.
From the instant the monster had hurled my car into the embankment at the side of the road, there had probably been no other option left for me. Thrown forward, without a seatbelt to hold me back, my body had twisted, and then my head had smashed into the car's windshield. For one fleeting second, my vision had filled with cascading stars, and then there was blackness.
When I awoke, slumped half in and half out of the driver's seat, there hadn't been a lot of pain, just a growing certainty that I was being watched.
"Help!" I croaked, hoping that some bystander had seen me crash, and would shortly come to my rescue.
Nothing. No one answered, and no noise came from outside. Still, I knew I was being observed, could feel a presence, the malevolent gaze of something terrible. In that moment, I had a choice, the same one facing me now. I could curl up tight, lick my wounds and cower like a hunted animal until I was caught, or I could try to escape.
At first, slowly struggling just to sit upright, I wasn't sure that I could walk, let alone run. I felt the first warm trickle of blood begin inching down my forehead, and brilliant spots of color danced at the edges of my vision. Panting, I sat frozen in place, convinced that, alerted by my weak efforts, the monster I had felt would come crashing in at me through the windshield.
When the moment of paralyzing terror past, I clawed desperately for the car's door handle, the door's slick plastic sliding under my fingertips, until at last I grasped its cool metal surface in my hand. I yanked at it frantically, again, and again, and again, with no result.
Locked.
Knowing that I had to get away, but clueless as to how the door could be unlocked, I continued pawing at the barrier, pushing outward, pulling any movable object, until suddenly it was open. I was falling, scrambling on my hands and knees, and then, miraculously, on my feet. Staggering, then careening from one side of the road to the other, I began to run.
I ran for what felt like hours, but finally, unable to flee any further, sought refuge underneath a parked car. It had been incredibly stupid, my belief that I could huddle here, unseen and unmolested, but it had been so hard to breathe.
Now, now it was time to run again.
Avery Ranch man charged with murder
Dan
From beneath the car, I hear the monster's footsteps approaching, and then, the same threat as before. "Run, and I'll shoot you."
My heart is pounding, and the blood dripping into my eyes has increased to a steady stream. No matter how hard I press my forehead, the bleeding won't stop, and I can't tell if the world is red because of the blood, or because something more serious is wrong with my vision.
The monster's feet--why can I see them now when I couldn't before--are very close now, so close to my refuge that I can see them sparkling red in the gleam from the street light. They look ordinary enough, not grotesquely huge or possessing extra toes, but that's probably just an illusion. How hard could it be for this thing to materialize normal-looking feet, when before it was completely invisible?
I must run!
The certainty grows inside me with each passing second.
From the instant the monster had hurled my car into the embankment at the side of the road, there had probably been no other option left for me. Thrown forward, without a seatbelt to hold me back, my body had twisted, and then my head had smashed into the car's windshield. For one fleeting second, my vision had filled with cascading stars, and then there was blackness.
When I awoke, slumped half in and half out of the driver's seat, there hadn't been a lot of pain, just a growing certainty that I was being watched.
"Help!" I croaked, hoping that some bystander had seen me crash, and would shortly come to my rescue.
Nothing. No one answered, and no noise came from outside. Still, I knew I was being observed, could feel a presence, the malevolent gaze of something terrible. In that moment, I had a choice, the same one facing me now. I could curl up tight, lick my wounds and cower like a hunted animal until I was caught, or I could try to escape.
At first, slowly struggling just to sit upright, I wasn't sure that I could walk, let alone run. I felt the first warm trickle of blood begin inching down my forehead, and brilliant spots of color danced at the edges of my vision. Panting, I sat frozen in place, convinced that, alerted by my weak efforts, the monster I had felt would come crashing in at me through the windshield.
When the moment of paralyzing terror past, I clawed desperately for the car's door handle, the door's slick plastic sliding under my fingertips, until at last I grasped its cool metal surface in my hand. I yanked at it frantically, again, and again, and again, with no result.
Locked.
Knowing that I had to get away, but clueless as to how the door could be unlocked, I continued pawing at the barrier, pushing outward, pulling any movable object, until suddenly it was open. I was falling, scrambling on my hands and knees, and then, miraculously, on my feet. Staggering, then careening from one side of the road to the other, I began to run.
I ran for what felt like hours, but finally, unable to flee any further, sought refuge underneath a parked car. It had been incredibly stupid, my belief that I could huddle here, unseen and unmolested, but it had been so hard to breathe.
Now, now it was time to run again.
Avery Ranch man charged with murder
Dan
no subject
Date: 2012-02-07 04:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-07 02:20 pm (UTC)Thanks for reading!
Dan
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Date: 2012-02-07 06:54 am (UTC)This is very well-written; it flows beautifully, as usual, and I like the reoccurring element of "run" and running. It really ties the piece together.
Great job. *smile*
no subject
Date: 2012-02-07 02:40 pm (UTC)Thanks again!
Dan
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Date: 2012-02-07 11:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-07 02:42 pm (UTC)Dan
no subject
Date: 2012-02-07 03:15 pm (UTC)Well written, Dan, nice job.
no subject
Date: 2012-02-07 03:54 pm (UTC)Thank you, I'm glad you liked it!
Dan
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Date: 2012-02-07 05:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-07 06:32 pm (UTC)Thanks for reading and letting me know you were here. :)
Dan
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Date: 2012-02-07 06:31 pm (UTC)The terror here is palpable, and the reader feels as trapped as the victim. What COULD he do? Be shot right where he is, or risk running and hope the killer would miss?
Excellent entry!
no subject
Date: 2012-02-07 06:39 pm (UTC)As always, thanks for reading and commenting! Sorry you didn't get to post anything this week, I always enjoy your entries!
Dan
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Date: 2012-02-07 08:02 pm (UTC)But to go outside and create and impossible situation for a young man who'd just been in a car wreck and was merely under the guy's wife's car (probably hiding from the shotgun)? That smacks of racist panic, to me.
I'm sorry I didn't get anything posted either, because I hated to use my last "bye"! But I was out of town, and had no real alone-time after noon on Thursday, and that prompt was just about the worst matchup for that situation. I'd hoped for something I could think about in the background, and do in a rough-draft plus refinements in my spare time. Hah! Checking the news via the Internet a few times and finding nothing was how far that got. ;)
no subject
Date: 2012-02-07 08:52 pm (UTC)Ah well, I'm out of Byes now too, so we're in the same boat. Which one of us can tread water for longer, eh? *teasing smile*
Dan
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Date: 2012-02-07 09:07 pm (UTC)That's pretty much how it's felt for me since Day 1!
I really thought last week's entry would come out ahead of some of the "old-timers" in the votes, but still... I'm always riding near the bottom. :0
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Date: 2012-02-07 11:41 pm (UTC)Dan
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Date: 2012-02-07 07:58 pm (UTC)(Terrible like tragic, not the writing or your idea :) )
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Date: 2012-02-07 08:56 pm (UTC)Thanks for commenting, and I'm happy you enjoyed where I went with the story. Terrible is right.
Dan
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Date: 2012-02-08 03:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-08 05:08 am (UTC)Thanks for commenting, and I'm glad you enjoyed my take on the story.
Dan
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Date: 2012-02-08 02:32 pm (UTC)They look ordinary enough, not grotesquely huge or possessing extra toes, but that's probably just an illusion. How hard could it be for this thing to materialize normal-looking feet, when before it was completely invisible?
I liked this line.
no subject
Date: 2012-02-09 04:23 pm (UTC)Thanks for reading!
Dan
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Date: 2012-02-08 04:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-09 04:17 pm (UTC)I missed yours when you posted it, and am looking forward to reading it today!
Dan
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Date: 2012-02-08 04:17 pm (UTC)Such a scary situation!
no subject
Date: 2012-02-09 04:13 pm (UTC)Dan
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Date: 2012-02-08 07:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-09 04:11 pm (UTC)Thanks for reading!
Dan
no subject
Date: 2012-02-09 05:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-09 05:24 pm (UTC)Thanks for reading!
Dan
no subject
Date: 2012-02-09 08:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-10 02:20 am (UTC)Dan
no subject
Date: 2012-02-10 02:24 am (UTC)